Panel 1
Lester is talking to someone on his phone.
Customer Service Agent: Thank you for holding, what can I help you with today?
Lester: Hey, I’m trying to buy some stuff online and my card was frozen.
Customer Service Agent: Sorry about that, sir. Can you confirm some recent purchases so I can unfreeze that for you.

Panel 2
Lester: Yeah, over the last few days I renewed my Webflix subscription, ordered some food on Speedy Chow, and bought a movie ticket.
Customer Service Agent: Thank you, sir. Just one more question…

Panel 3
Customer Service Agent: I’m seeing an attempted charge today for a premium subscription to Thick-Goth-Sluts-Who-Think-Your-Parents-Were-Wrong-About-You dot com.
Lester looks distressed.

Panel 4
Lester's computer screen shows a website featuring two scantily clad goth chicks. At the top of the website it says, "Enter your information," and underneath a text entry field it says, "Card declined."
Customer Service Agent: Does that ring a bell?

Panel 5
Lester is frozen with a thousand yard stare.

Panel 6
Customer Service Agent: Sir?

Panel 7
Lester blushes and sweats.
Lester: Oh uh… N-no. Definitely wasn’t me. At all. You should cancel that card cuz’ I’m definitely not into that sorta thing. No siree. That sure was a close call. Glad I got you folks looking out for me. Better issue me a new card though, preferably today. I uh... Gotta pay some bills.

Refined Tastes

In honour of spooky season here's some existential horror.

Personally, I think that when you sign up for a credit card there should be a box you can click on that says, "Yeah, I'm a pervert and there's going to be some weird charges on here. Don't freeze it unless I start going in heavy on crypto." Something like that would have saved me a lot of awkward conversations.

Also, shout out to anyone who remembers Uh-Oh! For the uninitiated, it was a Canadian kids gameshow from the 90s that had a big dude in a gimp costume who would shove kids into a tube and cover them with slime. I am not making any of this up.

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