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Panel 1
Text Box: What's your New Years Resolution?
Lester smiles, holding up a can of beer.
Lester: I'm gonna get really good at cooking ribs.
Text Box: Shouldn't you work on your mental health or something?

Panel 2
Lester's expression gets serious.
Lester: You don't understand. I mean like really good ribs.

Panel 3
Chauncey holds up a red cup, looking very drunk.
Chauncey: I gottta shtahp drunkin sho mach cuz muh ductor shez I'm arishkuvlivardiseez...
Text Box: What?

Panel 4
Chauncey laughs, wide eyed with a huge mouth.
Chauncey: Bahahahaha!

Panel 5
Humphrey sits on a chair, holding a glass of liquor.
Humphrey: I've decided to stop union busting.
Text Box: Wow, that's actually really cool of you.

Panel 6
Humphrey's expression becomes happier and more deranged.
Humphrey: Indeed. Looks like I'll be orgasming solo until next year!

Panel 7
Cheryl looks off to the side raising her hand to her cheek.
Cheryl: I'm going to make better choices about the people I let into my life!

Panel 8
A big, dangerous-looking man appears behind Cheryl. He has a scar across his mouth and tattoos of tear drops on his cheek and a red flag on his forehead.
Man: Hey lady, I just got out of jail. Know where I can score some coke?
Cheryl: Oooooooo!

Panel 9
Marla beams, holding up a glass of liquor.
Marla: I'm going to be more considerate towards my friends. Try to be less angry and dismissive overall, y'know?

Panel 10
Marla looks to the side sheepishly.
Marla: I know I can be surly at times but I really do care about people so I'm going to do my best to be kind and supportive!

Panel 11
Ainsley smiles smugly with his hand on his chest.
Ainsley: I'll be sharing more of my poetry with everyone around me.
Text Box: Are you sure they want that?
Ainsley: How could they not!? Listen: Morning dew, collected lightly upon my exposed-

Panel 12
Marla, looking annoyed, pours alcohol into her glass until it overflows.
Marla: Fuck, it's going to be a long year, isn't it?
Text Box: Happy New Year!