Panel 1
Ainsley and Marla stand outside, talking. Ainsley is looking angrily at his phone.
Ainsley: It's over for me, Marla. Women these days have completely lost it. I mean, look at this...

Panel 2
Ainsley holds up his phone. On it, the store page for a sex toy is shown. It reads: Clunge Plunger 9000. 100+ thrust/vibration cycles for you to mash your gash however you want. Military-grade silicone guarantee clean, industrial-strength orgasms. Dishwasher safe*. "Where once there was a sacred temple now lies only a broken and blasted wasteland. 10/10 would recommend." -Satisfied customer.
Ainsley: How's the average guy supposed to compete?

Panel 3
Marla: There's nothing to compete with, Ainsley . A toy's got no personality. As long as you're kind, funny, and maybe a little charming and there's plenty of women who'll give you a shot.

Panel 4
Ainsley has his arms crossed.
Ainsley: Oh great. So basically, I'm fucked.

Stiff Competition

Boom, new character! I didn't have the heart to make these words come out of Lester or Chauncey's mouth so I'm introducing Ainsley, the shitty dude every friend group seems to have. Hope you hate him as much as I do!

When I was writing this one I went through a few names before I landed on "Clunge Plunger." Here they are: Vulva Vicerator, Peach Pummeler, Muff Mangler, Beaver Beater, Box Boxer, and Twat Tickler. Sorry you had to read that.

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